Let me begin by stating how happy I am (most of the time) with my frame of mind as I age.  I do not worry about many things and I am no longer in the business of trying to please and take care of everyone.  I have the power to do what I want most of the time.   I am not rich, but comfortable financially.  Struggles with child rearing and financial security are behind me and I will soon retire, in my own time frame.  I work now because I choose to.

Growing older has been mentally liberating and  it just keeps on getting better.  Sure hope that lasts a long time, but we never know about that do we?

But my, my, how I wish the state of my body matched my mind.   I was having some cyber conversations with a classmate and we were bemoaning how our bodies were starting to betray us.  The word “decrepit” came up.  What I would give to have that body back that I had in my 20s and 30s.  But I would leave what passed for a brain  I had back then far, far behind. 

If someone had told me  that I would one day sometimes fall asleep at 6:00 p.m. during the news, and not wake up until the next morning, I would have laughed in their face.  But it’s happening, and regularly!  Now I do work with small children all day and that does take the starch out of a person, but 6:00 p.m.??  Really?  I have also heard of people our age can fall asleep while reading the newspaper.  That hasn’t happened to me yet, but I can’t wait.

Gray hair.  Let’s face it.  The vast majority of us are starting to gray.  I’ve got some good chromosomes and I am graying at a much slower rate than most people, but those white hairs are sneaking in.  When the process first started about ten years ago, I made a trip to Walmart and bought some L’oreal in a snazzy little auburn shade and became a red headed hussy!  It was a really nice color that would fade into a coppery penny shade.  It looked fairly natural and flattering.   But one day I made a return  trip and found my beloved  shade missing from the shelves.  There was a cheery little note that read  “ …. If you liked L’oreal shade 42, try our new shade 49…”  I was trusting …

After the final rinse-out, my hair was dark purple.  And I am not exaggerating.  I flew to the beauty supply store for color strippers and used the whole bottle.  Absolutely  no effect.  Then I started  using liquid dish detergent.  Still purple.  I was stuck walking around with that hair until it grew out.   I felt like the high school kid I had once encountered who dressed as a druid for Halloween.  He had painted his face blue, and to his horror, it didn’t come off that night.  He had to spend the next couple of days walking around high school with a blue face.  My purple hair lasted for months  until it finally began to fade a little.  My worst memory is having to go out and do some Christmas shopping at Memorial City Mall.  People would stop in their tracks when they saw me, and it was not for the right reason.

Since that episode, I have not touched boxed hair color.  However,  I have naturally acquired a  cool little  white “skunk” stripe that starts at my forehead, like Morticia.  I don’t mind that.

The body.  This is the scary part.  In high school, I weighed right at 130 pounds, and I was nearly five feet nine inches tall.  I was skeletal, and could fit into a size eight or nine dress.  And I thought I was fat.  We all thought we were fat.  Now, 40 pounds later, I have muffin tops and felt my first roll of fat around the waist a couple of days ago.  Seems like after the age of 50, that weight goes on and it won’t come off for anything, even with dynamite.  All I can hope for is to hold steady and not get any bigger.  I was lucky that I started out skeletal.  As least I had a little more room to grow than a lot of people.  I have always been grateful to be tall so at least the pounds could stretch out a little.

The arthritis.  Now this snuck up on me.  I am fortunate to have a job where I move all day long.  When you are surrounded by shrieking school children, that is just the way it is.  I also leap frog around the floor putting away library books.  We are not provided with assistants.   Sometimes I do long for a nice desk job where I could relax more during the work day and really have a lunch hour, but at least the activity keeps the pain at bay.  I started noticing the body aches, stiffness, and snap crackle pop of the knees about five years ago.  Now where is this coming from????  Oops.  Can this be that dreaded  arthritis?  It really sneaks up behind you.  Those joints and muscles just stop working the right way.   Folks, keep moving.  All those television commercials we see are correct.  The more you move, the less you hurt. 

The skin.  Your skin ages from both the inside and the outside.  I have bat wings, those little flaps of flesh hanging from  the upper arm.   I also have crow’s feet, those little lines that radiate out from the edge of your eyes.  I noticed them forming  soon after my daughter was born.  I was horrified.  From that day forward, I started slathering Vaseline Intensive Care lotion all over my face and under my eyes twice a day, and the stuff works pretty well.   The bat wings just get worse and worse.  What you can’t stop is the sagging, and it usually starts around the jaw line.  That’s why a lot of women get face lifts.  If you take your fingers and pull your skin back right in front of your ears, why that sagging disappears.  If you get surgery, it’s permanent!  Sometimes I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and pull it all back up and get briefly tempted to make that appointment with the plastic surgeon.  They make those tiny incisions at your hairline, pull up your face muscles like elastic, snip, snip, and you’re done.   But then there’s also the danger of looking like Joan Rivers, getting so tight you crack.  A lot of my colleagues get botox.  There’s a local dermatologist that does the “blue plate special,” shots of botox done at lunchtime.  I’m just too chicken to try that.  We also have to watch out for that “crepey” skin on the bottom of our arms (goes with our bat wings!!!)  An extra dose of Vaseline IC usually plumps that out, but only for the day.

Time, please deal kindly with us.

So funny and honest!